This and That

Touching Tuesday: Heart Breaking

Posted on: August 16, 2011

Have you ever heard a heart break? I have and no, it’s not just a saying. It is an actually audible sound. I have literally heard the crack erupt down the center of the heart like an earthquake tremor breaks a piece of cement, splitting it in two. The sound raged through my ears, down my spine, and caused my whole body to convulse. I can still hear it ringing.

Three days ago he started having low grade fevers and then he slowly stopped drinking. It was so gradual that I didn’t even realize it until I was laying in bed the second night thinking about him, how he had been feeling, acting, eating, drinking….wait….drinking? Something you take for granted is your kids drinking. It started to dawn on me I hadn’t really filled up his water bottle a lot today. Which then made me realize I really didn’t change a lot of wet diapers either. He was acting fine overall. Playing, laughing, a little lethargic but nothing to get alarmed about. Or so I thought.

The next day hubby and I were pushing liquids on him more but with no luck. He was now adamantly refusing to drink anything. Pushing the cups away. Making a disgusted face just at the sight of them. I felt a panic start to creep into my mind and an uneasiness settle in my chest. Every mother knows these feelings.

He was now approaching twenty four hours without a wet diaper. I called the doctor and she told me to take him to the emergency room at once. Little kids can’t go that long without drinking or peeing. He is dehydrated she said. Within minutes we were at the emergency room explaining the problem to the nurse. I had no idea what was coming next.

I knew they would have to insert an IV to pump in fluids and I knew it would be awful seeing him in pain. But I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t prepared when they said a catheter had to be put in first. A catheter into a sixteen month old baby! It was like he understood the word because he immediately started freaking out and crying hysterically. Hubby and I tried to comfort him but how do you look into your baby’s eyes and tell him everything will be alright when he is about to experience the worst pain of his life? How do you kiss and hug him as you see the tears explode from his eyes as they insert the catheter? How do you do that???

I don’t know…..but we did. And over the sounds of his tears, over the sounds of his screams, over the sounds of hubby and I telling him it would be ok as we stroked back his hair, and kissed his forehead, I heard it. My heart breaking.

I prayed for the pain to end…and it did but only for a moment because now they had to insert the IV and take blood for testing. It was unbearable. The pain on his face. The look in his eyes as they fixed on mine. Asking me, begging me to make the pain stop. I heard it again, the unmistakable crack, the unstoppable ringing in my ears, and chill racing down my spine. My heart breaking.

We went home a few hours later. They pumped him with two bags of fluids (a lot of a baby). He was diagnosed with a common childhood virus and is doing better. My day is spent pushing liquids, fruits, and popsicles on him non-stop. He is drinking a little more and has had a wet diaper. But we aren’t in the clear until he starts drinking like normal, which I know he will soon. I can see it in his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. He is feeling better.

I breath deep and look at my beautiful boys.

Then I feel it. My heart mending.

                                                                         My baby

3 Responses to "Touching Tuesday: Heart Breaking"

beautifully written.
and I totally get it.

So well written. No matter how old our children are our hearts hurt when they hurt but when they are so little it hurts even more – I agree that it’s not fare

It’s horrible to watch that! I remember thinking with eli and cy that they will never understand that this will help them, but they will be confused as to why I’m “letting” someone hurt them!
Great post 🙂

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